wayward_whiner

****cross-posted from my vox account***

All right..so it had been months since my last post. Clearly, being
away from home and having a job spoils all the fun. I had been out of
college for almost a year now and it had been five months or so since i
started on my first job ever. By now i should be happy that I’m out of
school and away from all the piles of assignments in accounting. Yet
I’m not. I feel so frustrated,low and confused.

I can’t
actually say that I’m totally happy with my job right now because I’m
not. I mean, I’m happy that i finally can practice all the theories i
have learned in school. But while I’m enjoying my work, my patience is
being tested by the people i work with. My co-workers are fine, but not
my superior and the bosses. I can’t explain it but something is totally
wrong with them. My superior comes late for work everyday and spends
the whole day pretending to be busy when he’s actually not. The Boss
aka the owner of the company has freaking tantrums!. Every now and then
he storms into our office and ask a hell of a questions. ( I
remember on my first month when he storms in our office and ask who’s
responsible for the invoices and when i ask him why, he started to
question my abilities and asked for written explanations afterwards.
Apparently, the mistakes he’d been blaming me for, were mistakes by the
staff i preceded.)
My co-workers ( who were all older than me
and married) are telling me that, that is how it is in the real world.
That I would really meet people who would pissed me off, get into my
nerves, who will make me cry and hate and curse and feel every possible
emotions there is to feel. That it is just a test of patience, which i
should posses for me to last in grownup’s world.

And now it had
been months. I lasted more months that I have expected. Now it’s time
for me to leave. I’m planning on resigning within this month. I’m
resigning for a lot of reasons. The company is unstable thus the delay
in our salary. It’s about to close two of it’s branches. Plus,
opportunity waved at me. I was offered to take a pre-employment test by
a bigger company inclined in the BPO industry, which i took and
thankfully passed, and I’m just now waiting for a call for the final
interview.

Later, I’m gonna draft my resignation. Hopefully I
could find the courage to extend it to my superior within the next two
weeks. *crossed fingers*

" I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there

Grinnin’ with a lost stare,

That’s when I decided…

Why should I care?

‘Cause you weren’t there
when I was scared
I was so alone…

You, you need to listen!

I’m startin’ to trip,

I’m losin’ my grip

And I’m in this thing alone…"

i would love to sing this song for them (my long lost friends). These are the friends who thinks that the world revolves around them, people that have taken me for granted and thinks that i should always understand how busy they are (like i am not damn busy!) Well.. I’ve got news for you people!!! I have a life too like you do and i get too busy and damn tired too. So why the hell do i be the one who needs to always understand huh?  sorry guys.. patience is not my virtue…keep off. i’m trying to move on!

i thought i would never write here again since i already have my multipy account but i guess there are things you just can’t give up that easy huh?.. But sometimes you just have to especially if they have caused you so much pain and trouble. My past.. no matter how hard i try to forget keeps haunting me..all the rejections, frustrations, hurt and all the pain  keeps coming back to me once in a while and yeah… history repeats itself. How can I forget them all when deep inside me I still love them? but the funny thing is that they don’t give a damn about me!
   
    Months ago, when i had a misunderstanding with an old friend, i ask our common friend to lend me an ear which she did. But along the conversation she would inject comments that are against me. at first i was okay with the flow of the conversation until she injected that i had an attitude problem! I was overwhelmed with her statement that i hurriedly said goodbye. I was totally hurt because the very reason why i talked to her in the first place was for her to only hear me out like when the time i listened to her whine! It hurt me so much to think that after all of the years of being friends we still don’t know each other that much.

    Days later, i’ve got hold of the commutersexpress (i think that’s the title). There’s a column in there that talked about classifications of friends, and there i’ve read that i should classify friends according to how real they are to me and not just because i have known them for years.

    And with that I am hoping not to get affected by these people who had done the great job of making me doubt myself.

background music: amber pacific

current mood: numb

It’s way past midnight and yet i’m still wide awake. I’m currently watching the tv premiere of Billy Crawford’s It’s TIME concert last October  6 at the Araneta and man..I wish i was there!I was supposed to watch his concert but I got really busy plus the fact that i’m on a tight budget recently. But really, based on what i’m watching right now
(yeah..i’m watching while creating this post..) he deserves to be called an international star. He’s got the style of Michael Jackson mix with Justin Timberlake’s. The concert was star-studded as shown by the camera as it focus on some of the familiar faces in the showbiz and fashion industry.
    Back to Billy.. I’m not really so into him like I am with Matsujun but i kind of like some of his upbeat songs like Trackin’ and Brightlights. He’s really good. And watching him like this even on the television makes me want to scream at he top of my lungs the phrase " pinoy ako! " lol..
    Okay I lose my focus..great!. Typing a blog while watching. Just great. Back to the concert. I really think and most people would probably agree that Billy had done a great job in showcasing his talent as an artist and in showing to the world how talented we Filipinos are..so how about a round of applause? clap! clap! clap!
  Alright..enough people..i think the show is about to end and so i must end this blog and get some sleep..tah tah..

It’s been quite a while since my last post so i decided to make one today..unfortunately i’m too bored to discuss and too lazy to even type my idea (if i ever had one today..lol) right now so instead i’m going to post a poem i’ve written several years ago for a friend that i’ve lost ( or so i thought??). She’s very special because she’s the very first person whom i got to share my passion for the BackstreetBoys!! Yeah, she too, was a blue-blooded Backstreet fan. She’s also special for a whole lot of reason i preferred to keep to myself and to those people who knew her…

But just to set the record straight..i’ve written this poem years ago when things we’re all unclear to me. Why, i haven’t given this to her was probably because i did not have the courage to do so and because of lost communication.

Daf, a lot of things have change.. in fact great changes they were..but i still believe in this friendship. You make me feel unwanted.. but that ’s okay..i care for you that much that’s why i try to understand. Believe me…i really care. if in the past i made you feel abandoned, betrayed or what…i’m sorry.. i was in total chaos..i needed to search for my soul..if you able to read this i hope it could somehow heal a fraction of the wound, mend some parts and bring out some good old memories..things will never be the same again i know but there’s always a fresh start right?… i’m hoping.. GODSPEED!

Guys.. i’m not a poet so forgive my verses… i just wanted to write…

UNTITLED

Hey dear friend, how are you doing?

Is everything just fine?

There’s something ’bout the way your acting

That had me thinking of you all the time

Can’t help but remember, date, place and time

March 21st, friday, at the park after nine

After an hour of laughter and fun,

Is the next worst thing, you should have not done

Hey friend, i still can’t understand!

Why all of these has to happen?

Why it has to end this way?

Why some are hurt, some have gone away..

Hey friend, sorry if i feel this way

If i offend you in any way

It’s just it badly hurts inside

You see, i’ve been through this joyride

Hey friend, this ain’t what i picture things will be

I thought things are perfectly fine with everybody

I don’t know what happened to me exactly

Suddenly, sad and strange feeling was all over me!

Hey friend, I don’t really know what to say or do

To put things back like they used to

But maybe, just maybe someday soon..

Things will be the same again, our friendship in full bloom.

                                                                          by: chaos

    I’ve just seen both season 1 & 2 of HYD last week that’s why i got a bit surprised and thrilled a while ago when i saw that GMA will actually telecast this series. I mean, i wasn’t over with the HYD fever yet! lol… seriously..this show is great (for me ah!) it basically has the same plot with Meteor Garden (but that’s because Meteor Garden was based on HYD manga written ky Kamio Yoko) but they’ve got a different flow of story. This one is fast paced that’s why you surely won’t get bored unlike the Meteor Garden. Plus, the Japanese actors (& actresses) are better than the Taiwanese actors in MG. Okay, i’ve got nothing against MG ‘coz i was once addicted with this show too. I’m just trying to say that i, personally, thinks that the HYD is better than MG.
  Domyouji Tsukasa, the leader of F4 is played by Matsumoto Jun (an ARASHI member, Shin of Gokusen I), Hanazawa Rui is played by Oguri Shun (Uchi of Gokusen I), Nishikado Soujiro is played by Matsuda Shota, Mimasaka Akira is played by Abe Tsuyoshi and Makino Tsukushi (the weed), the major girl character is played by Inoue Mao.
    I guess what sets this series apart from MG is that the story line is really not that heavy and the soundtracks are cool and easy to listen to..BTW, the opening song of both season 1 &2 were from the Arashi, a Japanese Boyband where Matsujun is also a member. The title of the opening song of the season 1 is "Wish" while the season 2 song is entitled "Love so Sweet". A Utada Hikaru song entiltled "Flavour of Life" was in it too.. ooohhh…  I really hope you guyz support this show..especially since Matsujun’s in it.. so that’s it for now..tah!tah!

This speech i made one myself. It is actually the speech i will deliver for my oral presentation on Monday for my Speech Subject. Why suicide? Because i was suicidal when my professor asked us to submit a topic (’coz it was the heights of the defense for EV1) No kidding!. Uhhmm..some ideas in here are based from other peoples’ ideas and experiences, but for the most part, it’s all mine. So be enlightened! (*cross fingers* i hope so!)

                                           SUICIDE: A LAST RESORT

    To die in order to avoid the pains of poverty, love, or anything that is disagreeable is not part of a brave man but of a coward.

    These are the exact words of Aristotle in view of suicide. A cowardice act. A selfish act to get away from life’s obstacles. And most of you here present probably agrees with him. That these suicidals are just a bunch of pitiful cowards. this would have also been my stand had i not once thought of committing suicide myself. Yes, I had been through that dark path. That time in my life when my strenght and my faith faltered. And i felt that life has no meaning . Just a long nonsense journey. And that suicide is my last resort to break free. But i’m not here to be judge. Nor am i here to judge. Talking about suicide right now doesn’t mean that i’m promoting it. Suicide starts with the lines "nobody understand me…" Isn’t it sad to learn that a person would actually choose death rather than life just because nobody dares to understand? Isn’t it enough reason to tackle it?

   Suicide is a complicated social problem. It is present in all cultures although we view it differently. Like for the Japanese, suicide is a compensation for their lost honor while for us Filipinos, it is a crime not only to oneself but also to God. Is suicide a choice? Adina Wrobleski once wrote that suicide is not a choice because a choice suggest that there are other alternatives where we can rationally choose. Suicide happens when a person thinks that all the other alternatives are exhausted -when no other choices are seen. Is that cowardice or bravery? I feel that there are different forms of courage for different challenges and that we may respond courageously to some situations and not to others.

     But what really motivates a person to take his/her own life?. Records from the WHO websites shows that an estimated 873,000 people commits suicide every year. And more than 90% of the suicide cases are associated with mental disorders such as depression, schizophrenia, and alcoholism. Suicide rates in the Philippines are considerably low compared to other countries. But the thing is that 40% of these suicide incidents are from the age group 15-24 even though they only make up 20% of our population. Generally speaking, young people are more vulnerable. Adolescence is a very difficult stage. Being bombarded with identity crisis, relationship dilemmas with family and friends, economic and social problems. These are in one way or the other, the underlying causes of suicide. But does the pain stops after suicide? The answer will always be NO. For the lives of the ones left behind will never be the same. The pain is surreal and tormenting. For no matter how we look at it. Crime or not. It is a tragedy. An immeasurable loss on their part. But any loss can be minimized if not prevented. Committing suicide doesn’t mean that the person is out of his/her wits. It just means that the person was deprived of the much needed help. A good listener is what they all really need. Life sure is tough but we only need to look at things at a different perspective. Life is a gift. Treasure it.

   Let me leave you with this thought: Suicide is not the last resort. It just reschedules the ordeal for another time. And if you cannot pass through all the hardships now, what makes you think you can deal with it in another life time?

                                                         ***fin***

Wheww! that’s it! Hope people will learn a thing or two from it. Anyways..it is way past midnight. i gotta go and get some sleep. I’m outtah here!!!

Man! i had an awesome day today! or was that yesterday? ‘coz its already 2:30 in the morning! and i haven’t had sleep. Anyway, I had fun! It was my first time both in Tagaytay and Batangas that’s why I was really excited about it. I somehow ease my depression of the last week’s event. Back to the trip. Along with some friends, we had our lunch in the picnic grove where in we had grilled pork and sun-dried squid! After that we walked the trail where in we can get a nice view of the Taal Lake. After an hour or so we decided to leave for Batangas where we swam for almost an hour and inevitably got sunburn!. Then on our way home to Manila we got a little bit lost…(yeah right! just a little! hahaha) but thankfully found our way home after an hour or so. Then they drop me off the bus station (bus leading to bataan as i needed to go home) and had to take the overpass twice to finally settle myself in a comfortable ride. That’s where the trip ends…im really sleepy and dead tired so thats about it! nighty!

My myspace blog

blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=2951565

there is nothing much in it right now as i just started posting there last week but i’m looking forward in  posting some of my serious thoughts out there. Since not all of my friends knew the friendster.

BTW, i just finished chatting with fellow potterfans..Keely was there again with her snape-is-good theory. Supported by the others, who in my opinion, are in the snapes’ fans club as keely, lol.anyway.. i had a good time debating with ha3 in there and annoying vonnie as well. If it weren’t for school tomorrow i would have not quit in there. But of course, studies is my priority!( yeah right! lol). So i gotta sleep early!That’s it! I’m outta here!

      It’s already 2 in the morning and im still wide awake! I’m having the time of my life. I’ve come across this really cool site that is devoted on everything about HARRY POTTER! And yes, i love it! I even had the time to chat with some Potter fans too..especially Keely. The mad girl who’s so into Snape and wishes Harry dead! lol! She’s totally opposite the norm ‘coz she actually adores that cruel, greasy-haired Severus Snape and again..she wants Harry dead! (imagine that??? and she’s a Potter Fan..). Moreover, this site have some links which leads to all sites relating to Harry Potter and cast. Okay… so i’m all hyped up by this thing that i could say the line Harry Potter till daylight! But i wont do just that ‘coz there’s a lot to explore so gtg!